


Gamer Hell Is Full Of Cows

by revenblue



Category: Original Work
Genre: Gen, POV Second Person, Tumblr Prompt, Video Game Mechanics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-10
Updated: 2017-09-10
Packaged: 2018-12-26 07:28:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12054198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/revenblue/pseuds/revenblue
Summary: You have died and gone to hell, but it’s not what you expect. You wake up naked in a field with nothing but trees around you… it turns out that hell is an early access survival game.





	Gamer Hell Is Full Of Cows

**Author's Note:**

> This was based on a prompt from writing-prompt-s (text in summary), and I had to write the most self-indulgent thing ever in response.
> 
> [Originally on tumblr](http://revenblue.tumblr.com/post/159824145324/writing-prompt-s-you-have-died-and-gone-to-hell) but I'm crossposting because I wanna, hashtag yolo, etc.

The field is wide, full of blocky green grass that it's impossible to see through. It's not that it's thick, although that's true too... it's waist-height and the artist apparently forgot to add the transparency. On the distant horizon you can see trees in all directions, hazy and uniform. They barely look like trees, just brown lines topped with green.

There's no one around. No people, no enemies, not even any birds. Completely lifeless, but for you.

You've played enough early access survival games to know where this is going.

You pick a direction and start walking. Maybe you'll find some sort of shelter before night falls. You don't know what's going to happen at night, but it's never good in these sorts of games.

The grass doesn't do anything while you walk through it. It's intangible, and soundless, and distressingly unmoving. You try to remind yourself that this is normal for early access, and almost succeed.

"Moo."

You flinch, twisting to look in the direction the sound came from. Nothing.

Well, at least you're not alone here. And cows can't be that dangerous, right? They never are in these sorts of games. You still can't see anything. Just the endless grass and distant trees. And the sky, which hasn't changed a bit.

You look up. The sky is a light blue, the blue of a clear summer's day, without a single cloud. You can't see the sun either, which is odd.

Not much you can do but keep walking.

There's nothing around you but grass. Grass and empty sky and empty trees and empty silence. No way to tell how much time it's been. Could be minutes, could be hours.

You hear another "Moo.", closer this time, and stop. Maybe you're not so alone after all.

You're not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing.

What could be out here, in this field of _nothing_? What are you supposed to survive from? The cows?

You turn in a circle, slowly. You can't see any cows. You can hear them, in the distance, but the only things in sight are the green grass, the far-off trees, the empty sky.

You walk.

It's been hours now, you think, and the distant trees haven't moved any closer, the sky hasn't changed. It's all so lifeless. You're not sure you're still going in the same direction, but you're not sure it matters.

Something moves in the corner of your eye. You turn quickly, staring at where you think it was. There's nothing out of the ordinary about that spot, compared to the rest. You wouldn't look at it twice if you hadn't seen _movement_.

And then you see it. In the blocky grass, you see a shape, something unfamiliar. Something new.

You take a step closer. The shape, blocky and irregular, jumps into focus. It looks vaguely like a cow, only green. The same shade of green as the grass.

"Moo," the cow says, looking at you.

It seems harmless, so you keep going, until you're brushing up against it. You wish you had a weapon, but your fists will have to do.

You hit at it.

The cow disappears back into the grass. Something slams into you from behind, and you turn, catching another large shape fading into the green grass.

Another blow sends you stumbling forwards, into a group of cows. When did they get polearms?

One of them swings a heavy stick at your head and your vision goes grey. The last thing you see is a sentence of text overlaid on your surroundings, in a heavily pixellated white font:

> **You** have been killed by **bright green ninja cow**.

Seconds pass. 10, 11, 12...

You respawn. Back in the middle of the field again. This time, you _run_.

**Author's Note:**

> So. This story has... quite the backstory to it.
> 
> Bright green ninja cows came from a combination of factors back in 2011 and became my favourite self-indulgent reference shortly afterwards. One of those factors was "there is no cow level", a Diablo injoke included in Starcraft as a cheat code, and the cow level included in Diablo 2.
> 
> As a result of that, I ended up with a wip entitled "Gamer Hell Is Full Of Cows". Which I never finished. It was planned to be self-indulgent in a whole host of ways, though, most notably by being about my favourite of my OCs.
> 
> Cue me getting distracted and eventually losing touch entirely with the OC who was to be the protag and ending up going on a pretty major writing hiatus that only ended for realsies mid-2016. (Well, mostly-hiatus. Either way, 2014-2016 was a dark time for me as a writer.)
> 
> Anyways. So I started writing again (tl;dr fell for a ship), a few months passed, then the prompt above crossed my dash. And, considering my personal history, I couldn't _not_ write about bright green ninja cows again. Then I decided to crosspost here and I couldn't let a title like GHIFOC go to waste.
> 
> None of which is actually relevant, hence why this is the endnote. XD


End file.
